See You in 1984

The author is unknown to me, but I think this is great. Edited because I wanted to…

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time….

I know where my watch is pal, where the flippin is yours? Do I point at my
crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ash to search the entire
   room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the
   channel manually.
3. When people say “Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too”.
   Damn right! What good is a cake if you can’t eat it?
4. When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it
   is. Why the flippin would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people
   do this? Who and where are they? Someone needs to Kick their ash!
5. When people say while watching a film “did you see that?”.
   No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the flippin floor.
6. People who ask “Can I ask you a question?”…. Didn’t really give me
   a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is ‘new and improved!’. Which is it? If it’s new,
   then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then
   there must have been something before it.
8. When people say “life is short”. Life is the longest damn thing anyone
   ever does!! What can you do that’s longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks “Has the bus come
   yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbash?